3 Reasons to avoid "these" kids
Have you ever overheard a colleague, friend, or parent talk about "these kids"?
"These kids never do their work."
"These kids are unmotivated, they don't seem to care about learning."
"These parents are no better than these kids. They refuse to accept that their kids could do
anything wrong."
Words matter. How we speak about our students, how we describe our challenges, how we
talk about opportunities for success...they all matter. Early on in my teaching career I
remember receiving the advice to "Be tough on these kids. Don't let them get away with
anything." Being a new teacher, I took the advice to heart and became overly "firm" because I
certainly didn't want "these kids" to get the best of me. Luckily, through the mentorship of
some amazing educators, I came to realize that the problem wasn't these kids, it was "these
kids". The phrases and words we use to describe our students matter a great deal. Over the
years, I've tried my best to avoid using phrases like "these kids" and instead try to talk about
"our kids" or "my kids". Think about it, when the news is good they are "my kids". When the
news is not so good, "those kids" belong to someone else.
As educators, here are 3 reasons we should avoid "these kids" and instead talk about "our
kids":
1. Mirrors or fingers? ‐ In most situations when we talk about "these kids" it is in the
context of complaint, blame, frustration, or an expectation of a battle. Teaching is a
stressful job and there certainly are times when the challenges get the best of us. Slips
of the tongue happen and I’m not suggesting that if we occasionally refer to “these
kids", that we are somehow less concerned for our students. But it matters how we talk
about kids and how we talk about our responsibility to them. Are we primarily using
fingers to point blame or are we using mirrors to reflect on our own practice?
2. Absolutely not ‐ When we talk about "these kids" in the midst of a frustration, we often
make the mistake of lumping all kids (or parents, or colleagues, or administrators, or
politicians, or...you get the point) together. When I was told to "Be tough on these kids"
it left me with the impression that all my kids were trouble‐making hellions just waiting
until I turned my back to start some sort of mischief. In reality, the vast majority of my
students were great! Even in the most challenging situations, there are students who
care, who will put forth effort, and who desire to learn. Let's avoid using absolute
statements like all, every, none, etc.
3. Current State vs Desired State ‐ Dr. Robert Garmston, well‐known for his work with
Cognitive Coaching, points out that the longer we talk about our current/present state
or condition, the longer we'll stay in that condition. If we spend most of our time and
energies lamenting the fact that, "These kids won't pay attention or listen" the longer
we'll continue to stay in that state. Instead, he advises that after we have described the
problem, we move our dialogue towards the desired state or condition. The more we
discuss the desired state, the more likely we'll make the adjustments necessary to get
there.











